Missing Mom at Six Months

sea-nature-sunny-beachNo one knows
the tears still inside me.

People think it’s all past.
They think I’m all better.

Every once in a while
I think, I hope, I pray
that things will be better too.

But then I remember.
And the pain floods back,
and the bottom falls out,
and I fall and I fall.

And I know once again
that things aren’t all better.
My loved one is gone,
and I cry alone.

How much longer, God?
How long does this last?

(From Finding Hope and Healing by Kenneth C. Haugk)

This poem represents the past six months well. I have moments where I think I’m all better – healed – from the grief and trauma of losing Mom. In fact, I didn’t cry for a whole month. And then, very recently, the memories flooded back. I almost feel like I just lost her yesterday. It’s like reality is just setting in. Oh, this is permanent. Suck.

I don’t have many profound words tonight. But I found this scripture passage very reassuring as I ride the waves of grief:

“‘Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,’ says the Lord who has compassion on you.” (Is. 54:10)

I’m so thankful that God is compassionate. He is mindful that we are but dust. And he understands grief.



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