Thoughts about My Five Week “Pregnancy”

bird-nest-eggs-blue-158734Phew! This has been a wild two weeks. It’s hard to believe that it was only two weeks ago that we received the call that turned our world upside down. The first week after hearing we were matched there were quite a few sleepless nights as my mind tried to comprehend having a baby in a month’s time. I think I even had what I’ve heard my friends call “pregnancy brain” as I made way more mistakes at work than normal.

The second week has been better. It is now much easier to define my emotions and to see what steps need to be done to prepare. Some of the big ticket items I’ve been processing are things like Identity, Taking Care of a Newborn, the Gains and Losses through Adoption, and what the time at the Hospital might be like. Let me share a little more…


Most first-time parents get about nine months to think about how the baby on the way changes their identity from Individual to Parent and all that means. Though I have thought about this some throughout the adoption process, I haven’t allowed myself to go there in depth as it was too painful. Now I feel I’m flung into this identity change with full force. I’m so excited to have the identity of Mom, but it’s a lot to take in within a few weeks.

Newborn Care

Seriously, a little life is going to depend on me fully for their every need… Crazy! Thankfully, Ben is there to help too, but the responsibility of being a parent to a little, tiny human is so big! I’m very thankful for the many friends with kids we have in our lives and for the internet. ;) I’ve been diving into learning as much as possible these weeks. If you have any advice, I’m all ears!

Gains and Losses

There is loss in the midst of this amazing gain. I honestly believe that Adoption is completely God’s will for our family… that this path is the best one and that we will have the children God wants us to have. I’m also grieving. I’m grieving not getting to hold Baby in my belly, safe and sound for nine months. I’m grieving that our gain is our Birth Parents’ loss. I’m grieving that our Baby won’t share our DNA. I’m grieving that Baby is going to be born far from home and that we won’t get to bring him or her back to our ‘nest’ until several weeks after birth.


We’re planning to be at the hospital in Ohio when Baby is born. We hope to make it with plenty of time to be there for the birth. The hospital is the time where the most unknowns exist… which means there’s a lot to process and prepare for. I am so, so thankful and completely honored that our expectant mom would like us in the delivery room with her. I’m also so thankful that Ben’s Mom is planning to be there with us. Some of the unknowns I’m nervous about are: Will Mom really want us in the room with her that day? Will the hospital be friendly towards adoption and know what to do with us all? Will I be able to handle all of the overwhelming emotions and at least somewhat be myself? Will Baby be healthy? So many more questions go along with each of these.

In other news, God’s fingerprints continue to be evident throughout this match! We had a phone call with Baby’s parents yesterday and it was wonderful (another God thing!). In talking with them, we learned the reason they chose us so confidently was that we reminded them of their mentor friends at church. Also, their entire extended family is supportive and excited about us and this adoption. Our expectant parents also so very thoughtfully expressed that they want us to be able to experience as much of the delivery process and the firsts of parenthood as possible. We’re really, really excited about this!

Also, we are completely blessed by the amazing generosity from our friends and family! We’ve had at least one package on our porch from our registry every day over the last week. It’s incredible! We are just blown away and are so encouraged as we keep preparing for Baby. We have a Baby Shower on Sunday – that’s right – amazing friends and family threw one together in just two weeks. Incredible! Our nursery continues to progress (I’ll post pictures one of these days). We are in full nesting mode!

Thank you for your continued prayers and all of the celebrating with us! It means the world to us.