Thoughts about My Five Week “Pregnancy”

bird-nest-eggs-blue-158734Phew! This has been a wild two weeks. It’s hard to believe that it was only two weeks ago that we received the call that turned our world upside down. The first week after hearing we were matched there were quite a few sleepless nights as my mind tried to comprehend having a baby in a month’s time. I think I even had what I’ve heard my friends call “pregnancy brain” as I made way more mistakes at work than normal.

The second week has been better. It is now much easier to define my emotions and to see what steps need to be done to prepare. Some of the big ticket items I’ve been processing are things like Identity, Taking Care of a Newborn, the Gains and Losses through Adoption, and what the time at the Hospital might be like. Let me share a little more…

Identity

Most first-time parents get about nine months to think about how the baby on the way changes their identity from Individual to Parent and all that means. Though I have thought about this some throughout the adoption process, I haven’t allowed myself to go there in depth as it was too painful. Now I feel I’m flung into this identity change with full force. I’m so excited to have the identity of Mom, but it’s a lot to take in within a few weeks.

Newborn Care

Seriously, a little life is going to depend on me fully for their every need… Crazy! Thankfully, Ben is there to help too, but the responsibility of being a parent to a little, tiny human is so big! I’m very thankful for the many friends with kids we have in our lives and for the internet. ;) I’ve been diving into learning as much as possible these weeks. If you have any advice, I’m all ears!

Gains and Losses

There is loss in the midst of this amazing gain. I honestly believe that Adoption is completely God’s will for our family… that this path is the best one and that we will have the children God wants us to have. I’m also grieving. I’m grieving not getting to hold Baby in my belly, safe and sound for nine months. I’m grieving that our gain is our Birth Parents’ loss. I’m grieving that our Baby won’t share our DNA. I’m grieving that Baby is going to be born far from home and that we won’t get to bring him or her back to our ‘nest’ until several weeks after birth.

Hospital

We’re planning to be at the hospital in Ohio when Baby is born. We hope to make it with plenty of time to be there for the birth. The hospital is the time where the most unknowns exist… which means there’s a lot to process and prepare for. I am so, so thankful and completely honored that our expectant mom would like us in the delivery room with her. I’m also so thankful that Ben’s Mom is planning to be there with us. Some of the unknowns I’m nervous about are: Will Mom really want us in the room with her that day? Will the hospital be friendly towards adoption and know what to do with us all? Will I be able to handle all of the overwhelming emotions and at least somewhat be myself? Will Baby be healthy? So many more questions go along with each of these.

In other news, God’s fingerprints continue to be evident throughout this match! We had a phone call with Baby’s parents yesterday and it was wonderful (another God thing!). In talking with them, we learned the reason they chose us so confidently was that we reminded them of their mentor friends at church. Also, their entire extended family is supportive and excited about us and this adoption. Our expectant parents also so very thoughtfully expressed that they want us to be able to experience as much of the delivery process and the firsts of parenthood as possible. We’re really, really excited about this!

Also, we are completely blessed by the amazing generosity from our friends and family! We’ve had at least one package on our porch from our registry every day over the last week. It’s incredible! We are just blown away and are so encouraged as we keep preparing for Baby. We have a Baby Shower on Sunday – that’s right – amazing friends and family threw one together in just two weeks. Incredible! Our nursery continues to progress (I’ll post pictures one of these days). We are in full nesting mode!

Thank you for your continued prayers and all of the celebrating with us! It means the world to us.

Big News: We Are Matched

udall-family-27Thursday evening I got the shock of my life when our adoption caseworker called to give us the amazing news that we were chosen by one of the families we were matching with. We had attempted to match about five times at this point and I was really used to her calls being, “sorry they didn’t choose you.” Hearing, “you’re going to be parents” from her totally knocked me off my feet!

A couple in western Ohio saw our profile and chose us as the couple to place their baby with. The caseworker told us that they saw our profile and didn’t want to look at any others. They knew that we were the right ones. Her Mom and sister also agreed. So amazing. So humbling.

The Baby is due November 13. We don’t know if it’s a boy or girl so that will be a fun surprise! We will be flying out for the birth (we may even get to be in the delivery room) and will be in Ohio with Baby for two weeks (longer if there are medical complications) while we wait for the interstate legal paperwork to be complete. If she’s on time, we may be spending Thanksgiving in Ohio this year!

We are over-the-moon with excitement and are busily getting ready to welcome our son or daughter into our family. We are incredibly grateful for all of the support, generosity, prayers, and conversations throughout the past 16 months. I seriously don’t see how we could have gotten to this point without you, our amazing community. Because of your generosity, we were able to fund the big adoption cost 100% (the cost ended up being $35K)! Let’s all take a moment to celebrate that fact!! I had my doubts about being able to reach such a lofty goal. Wow!

 

I want to also say that the Lord is Faithful and He is Good. No matter what. It is His character. There has been so much grief over the past months and He was Faithful and Good in the midst of that. There will be more times of grief in the future and He will be Faithful and Good then too. He is a Good Author and He is writing a Good Story. I am so amazed and thankful.

 

So, as you might imagine, there’s a lot to do and little time to do it all in (especially if she goes into labor early which is a possibility). Several have asked how they can help. I will list some practical ways and some points of prayer below…

 

Practical Stuff
  • Financial Help. Thanks to the generosity of so many and the saving we’ve been able to do, we have some extra funds to help pay for travel and all of the finalization costs that will come up in the months to come (adoption will be finalized 6 months after birth). However, we are estimating the need for a little more to fully cover expenses (not to mention diapers, formula, etc.) if you’d like to help us with these expenses, you can do so at our GoFundMe account below (or send us a check). Note: The tax-deductible giving page isn’t an option anymore as they’re currently cutting a check to our agency for adoption expenses at this time: https://www.gofundme.com/BenLiz
  • Baby Supplies. We have very little for Baby at this point – everything is happening so fast! If you would like to help with this type of thing, please contact me for our Baby Registry links. We’re registered at Target and Amazon. Some pretty amazing people are planning a shower for us in two weeks. We’re so blown away!
Prayer Points
  • For Baby to be protected in peace as he/she continues to grow. That he/she would be born healthy and that Birth Mom would also be protected in peace through this process.
  • For birth parents as they continue to process their decision and prepare. They wish to live differently after this and to change the circumstances that have brought them to this point.
  • That Ben and I would prepare well spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically for the super-intense time in Ohio. We are specifically working on our nursery, baby names, travel details, etc. Please pray for good health as well – my IBS is definitely acting up these days!

Thanks friends! We’ll keep you updated! :)